Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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