just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
