I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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