my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
