2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
