i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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