What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
