I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
