I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
