I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
