I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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