Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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