The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
