You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
