Already got asked if we're dating
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
