I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
