last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
