i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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