please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
