your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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