don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
