don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
