my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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