I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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