i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
