so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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