Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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