can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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