i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
