there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
