I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
