omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
