I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
