No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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