i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
