I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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