Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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