I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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