Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
