by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
