just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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