I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
