i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
