it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
