i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
