Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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