We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
