last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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