I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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