oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
