the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
